a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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