I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
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