I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
