i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
