That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
