This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
