probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
