I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
