just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
My breath smells like gin and sadness
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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