Pants 0. Shit 1.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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