Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
