Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
