i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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