Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
