I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
