just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Randomize
