Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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