he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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