one might say we're banned from that church
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
