the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
And then he peed in my hair
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