I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
