I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
