i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
this hospital has no fireball
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
