my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
