she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
