I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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