Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
What a dumb baby whore.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Randomize
