last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
