I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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