One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
