one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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