When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I cannot find my penis.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
