I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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