This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize
