why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
