Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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