Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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