i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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