If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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