You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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