Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
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