After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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