i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
