do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
