The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
We have started to decorate penises.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Who died my cat blue again?
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
