Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
It's blow job season.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
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