I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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