I'm eating all of the evidence.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
