apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
