you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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