im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Randomize
