I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
