oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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