whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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