My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Randomize
