Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize