did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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