i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
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