Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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