i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
