p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
