i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
