you would pick up someone in the library
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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