SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
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She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
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I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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