Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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