u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
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