my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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