don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
