i think my mom watched the whole time
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Randomize
