If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
