There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
