She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
