I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
