I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
