Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
