the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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