Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
29 Times Beach Sex Ended With Sand In All The Wrong Places
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???