I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
