U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.