When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
